Brush Clearing

Good morning, Bush. I hear as how you're in Texas, clearing brush and thinking about what to say in your State of the Union address. I approve. Clearing brush is a great way to clear the mind. As for the State of the Union, I have a few modest suggestions you might want to bear in mind:

1) To your evangelical Christians: Bless you. But keep your nose out of the country's business. I've paid my debt to you, so don't plan on cashing in any more chips--and that includes judicial nominations. I plan to look for men and women who view the world through something broader than your narrow focus. Besides, the majority of American people are fed up with your moralizing. They think you're full of something other than piety.

2) To your neocon hawks: Back off. You've done enough damage to my presidency in my first term. I don't plan to listen to you unless you can come up with some good, solid ideas about how to extricate us from this mess your advice got us into. No more wars. I've seen enough death and destruction to last me a lifetime.

3) To the wealthy: Get ready to pay your fair share of taxes. You've had your day in my sunshine, baby. It's time for you to make some sacrifices.

4) To your corporate supporters: Okay, guys, enough is enough. I've done what I can to help you maximize your profits, now it's time for you to put out for your consumers. You drug company and medical insurance CEOs, be prepared to take cuts in your executive salaries if necessary--what with your perks, they're obscene enough as it is. You power companies and bankers, too. Americans need good, sound, reliable, trustworthy services, not exploitation of their naivete when it comes to money. Shape up, slim down, and get a conscience, buddy.

5) To the lobbyists: Get off my hill, and take your consultant fees with you. I need untainted senators and congressmen around me, not men and women who are bought and paid for by your special interests, and who cower before you in fear of what you can do to their reelection prospects.

6) To the American people: I pledge to keep my pledge to work for you without partisan agendas. I will not a) increase the deficit by another penny; b) destroy a social security system that can easily be saved by other means than selling it out to Wall Street; c) continue to imperil your environment by allowing corporate and commercial interests to exploit your land, and air, and water for their own profit. I will work my ass off a) to see that every one of you has access to affordable health care; b) that every one who needs it has access to a reasonable job; c) that the civil rights of each and every one of you are protected. Oh, and I may need to have you pay a little bit more in taxes, too. Get real. Take a look at what your peers in every other civilized country have to pay!

7) To the people of the world: Open your arms, if you can, America's coming back. I promise that we'll listen to you from now on, and respect your views, on every issue from war, to third world economies, to the protection of the earth's natural environment. I promise that America will use its power for the benefit of all, not just for America. I promise that my first priority will be to become a good world citizen. We've reached a crisis point in the history of the planet where we really are all one people--and one people at common risk, in danger as much from ourselves as from each other. That thought will guide all my policies in my second term.

8) God bless not only America, but the world and all its people.


Ah well, Peter. Dream on!