Hype

Okay, Bush, since we're in movie mode it's time for us to weigh in on "The Da Vinci Code." I haven't seen the film, of course, but that fact has not prevented most of those other people who feel qualified to put in their two bits. So why not me?

First off, I confess to having read the book. Curiosity, really. As you may know, Bush--or may not know: why should you?--I have written a couple of art mysteries myself, and I wanted to know why Dan Brown should be raking in the all those zillions whilst I... No matter. Call it envy.

In all objectivity, then, I can report that the book was dreadful. The plot, to begin with, was absurd beyond belief. The research, the sense of history, the theological underpinnings--all outrageously wrong or oversimplified beyond all recognition. Jesus, married! Christianity based on a lie! What a notion! And to Mary Magdelene! And a child! And now, today, after all these centuries, but a single survivor of the line! I realize this is a work of fiction, Bush, but so much for verisimilitude. And the dialogue, the bland, stilted descriptive passages... The "characters"!

Ah, Bush, a truly dreadful book.

Did I forget to mention it was also a page-turner? I blush to say it, but I actually did read the whole damn thing, cover to cover. I can't speak, then, from a position of elevated aesthetic superiority.

What galls me nonetheless is yet another demonstration of the success of marketing regardless of quality. It seems that millions of people flocked to the theaters this past weekend to see a movie that was royally trashed by every review I read or heard. An estimate take of $220 million world-wide! Not quite a domestic box office record, I hear, but close--and the best weekend opening of the current year. A smash.

And you know who's to thank for the success? The folks in the PR department who managed to sell religious outrage as a marketing tool. Their strategy was immediately embraced and eagerly promulgated by all those people who pronounced themselves offended by the very idea of the movie. The outrage of the churches, high and low, from Rome to Alabama, was precisely what was needed to hype this piece of trash (oh, sorry, a totally unfounded prejudgment: this as yet unwitnessed media event) into the cultural (and financial) stratosphere. This fictional extravaganza became, believe it or not, a "teaching opportunity"! Shades, Bush, of "The Passion of the Christ"!

All of which goes to show that you can sell anything to the gullible public these days. As Groucho Marx is reported to have said on the occasion of the well-attended funeral of a widely-feared and hated Hollywood producer: "Give the people what they want and they'll flock to see it." Which is fine with me when it comes to movies. I'm just a bit envious of all that cash flowing in to the author's pockets.

Oh, but Bush, it's different, isn't it, when it comes to Presidents and the same principle applies? It's different when pollsters, spin doctors and cynical hacks like your Rove succeed in selling the American electorate a President of the United States who is hopelesly unprepared for the job. Then it gets serious. I know, I know, it's still about the money. It all comes back down to who gets to rake in the most dollars and keep them in his pocket.

Still, you buy a lemon at the car lot and you're stuck with it, even when it begins to fall apart.

But at least "The Da Vinci Code" does no worse than offend the sensibilities and indulge in essentially harmless--because fictional--untruths. A United States President sold to the public no less by hype and outright falsehood... well, Bush, such a man would be capable of infinite damage in a vulnerable and shrinking world. Not true?

Have a good week, Bush. Bear in mind that infinitely wise first rule of doctors and Buddhists throughout the known universe: first do no harm.